Anyone out there....

ever feel like you are completely alone? I do. I've been fighting and fighting for some semblance of normalcy in my life but certain people are making it impossible. They seem to actually try to make my life harder by their indifference to what should be a priority in their life. The song Boiler by Limp Bizkit comes to mind.



LYRICS





Chocolate Starfish and the Hot Dog Flavored Water
Boiler

Looks like I'm 'a do everything myself
Maybe I could use some help
But hell, you want something done right
You gotta do it yourself
Maybe life is up and down
But, my life's been what to now?
I crawled up your butt from hell
And that's when things got turned around

It used to be a lie
And now it feels pathetic
And now I get it
What's done is done
You just leave it alone
And don't regret it
Sometimes some things turn into dumb things
And that's when you put your foot down

Why did I have to go and meet somebody like you? (like you)
Why do you have to go and hurt somebody like me? (like me)
How could you do somebody like that
You know that I'm never coming back

Looks like I'm 'a do everything myself
Maybe I could use some help
But hell, if you want something done right
You just do it yourself
Got it?

Maybe life is up and down
But, but my life's been what to now?
Got it?
I crawled up your butt somehow
Got it?
And that's when shit got turned around

It used to be a lie
So pathetic
But now I get it
What's done is done
I know, you just leave it alone
And don't regret it
But sometimes some things turn into dumb things
And that's when you put your foot

Why did I have to go and meet somebody like you? (like you)
Why do you have to go and hurt somebody like me? (like me)
How could you do somebody like that
You know that I'm never coming back

Depending on you is done (is done)
Giving to you is done
No more eating, no sleeping, no living
It's all just what giving to you and I'm done (and I'm done)

But hiding from you is done (is done)
But lying from you is done
No more eating, no sleeping, no living
It's all just what giving to you and I'm done (and I'm done)

Why did I have to go and meet somebody like you? (like you)
Why do you have to go and hurt somebody like me? (like me)
How could you do somebody like that
You know that I'm never coming back


Because in terms of my son it does feel like I've done everything myself and if I want it to be done right I might as well do it myself.

So I am done. I don't need the heartache and the stress any longer. I will find a niche that works for my son and myself and that's it. If he wants to be around to witness his sons life he will be. If not.....then I have no regrets. I've done everything in my power. And I can always honestly look my son in the eyes and tell him that I tried.