AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Will it ever end? Will my need to have the best for, and fight for the best for Grayson ever end? I constantly look out for him and try to make sure that he's getting a fair shake. But certain other people in his life don't. They never call, they never come to see him. Just to see him. Ok. Granted. They don't have a car right now. But in the years that they did he came only when I begged him to. And it's ok for him to be in a crappy situation, but for me to be in that very same situation, with a child no less, I'm nothing but a welfare piece of trash. Why is it that people feel the need to hurt people like that in order for them to feel good about themselves. Does the feeling last or is it a temporary high? Does it even make one feel good about themselves to say such incredibly hurtful things? Does it make sense on my end to keep trying to give my son the father that he needs? And by that I mean the make the father he has be the father that he needs or should I just leave him be? At this point he knows his father. He asks for him and to see him. And then I get told to tell him that he's going to call. So i tell him. You're Daddy is going to call you later. Then the questions begin. When is my Daddy going to call? I want to talk to my Daddy. So should I even tell him? Or just wait and see if it actually happens.

My quandry is this. I don't want my son to grow up not having a father and later on having these faint memories of someone that he adored and now resents. The questions are going to come and they are going to be hard. And they're most likely going to come in my general direction instead of them being directed where they rightfully belong. Why do people, mostly men and sometime women, not feel such an incredible connection and affection for their child that they will sacrifice anything for that child? Why is it so easy for some to just ignore what they've brought into this world? These are questions that have plagued me for 5 years now.

Any thoughts?